Tonight I went out for a walk to get some photos of the night sky. It had been a while since I was last outside alone at such a late hour. I used to do it all the time, and I will probably do it more once the weather warms up for summer.
Tonight was a little different, though. Tonight made me think a bit who I am. Or rather, what kind of a person I am and where I fit in. Not as into what group of people I fit into, but in a more general sense. But I'll focus on that more in a bit.
The night started slightly cloudy and chilly, but moved towards a clear sky and cold air. I had my Zen MP3-player looping MDB's Beautiful Voices mix #27, which was the first thing that was a little different from my previous nightly walks. Usually, I had something dark and industrial playing when I take off into the darkness, but most often I leave the player at home to keep all my senses clear.
I realised that never before had I had beautiful chillout tracks playing during night walks. Being a very music-oriented person, this made me look at the dark midnight world in a different way, along with how I fit into it. I felt that I was completely alone, moreso than before, and if you know me, you know that I like being alone.
There's something about beautiful music that makes me feel sad at times. But sad in a good way, if that makes any sense. I noticed this when I was walking a road in between two dark forests. I also noticed how well it fit into who I am. I mean, there I was, walking alone in the middle of the night with nothing on me, but my clothes, my MP3-player, camera and tripod. In essence, I had everything I needed to be content. And I was.
I'm a loner. I walk around, taking pictures and taking in the world along with the melodies of the music I'm listening to. That's where I fit in. I may feel sad and lonely sometimes, but that's just a part of it, and that's how it should be. And despite feeling a bit blue tonight, I felt like I was myself, which I hadn't felt in a while. And it was amazing.
-S::K
